Okay, so this happened in fourth grade, and I was in this class with all these dumbass kids. Here’s some context: My parents usually pack me fruit for a snack, but on this day they packed me about half of the leftover Pringles from the previous day, you know, in that tubular container. I was thrilled because I LOVE PRINGLES. But when recess came, and I was ready to take MY Pringles and eat them outside, they weren’t in my bag. I started scoping the area, trying to find my Pringles. I call the teacher, she tries to find them but she can’t either. Then it hits me—What if MOIRA STOLE THEM? Moira was this chubby girl in my class that literally ALWAYS wore this purple princess dress that should be classified as a bad Halloween costume (seriously) and was known for being a bitch. Being a judgmental 9-10 year old, I immediately concluded that she must’ve taken my damn Pringles. I told my teacher, “Well, too bad, I’ll just go out for recess now. It was just PRINGLES.” Playing it cool. So I storm out of the classroom and begin looking for Moira. I mean checking different areas, questioning witnesses, wasting my time. So after a solid 10 minutes, I find a group of these kids crowded at the side of one of the portable classrooms. I hurry over to see what’s going on. The kids were eating Pringles. Barbecue-flavored Pringles. MY PRINGLES. I start raging as I smack the Pringles out of the kids’ hands and start ripping people away from the main source. And in the middle of all the kids, sat a smug looking MOIRA with my PRINGLES. I glared and snatched the BLOODY EMPTY CONTAINER OF PRINGLES OUT OF THE DAMN BITCH’S FILTHY HANDS. By now, even clueless Moira knows she’s in trouble. I would’ve at least punched her, but a supervisor saw us and ran over. Moira was made to apologize, and I had to accept her stupid apology. I never got to eat my Pringles. To this day, I’m certain she fears my cold, dead hands, ready to tear her lying face off.